stuff to get down. so it won't consume me.

Things that bother me:

-dry hands, and mine are perpetually dry, seeing as we have not installed our dishwasher, so i AM um, the DISHWASHEr. ugh.

-when my kids or anyone for that matter, push the area rug's edges up and sorta play with it, all folded up like that. I wanna choke someone. LEAVE IT ALONE.

-when girls where baseball hats, around here they are usually Red Sox hats, and they don't fit on their heads properly. It makes me want to go over and push it DOWN. Like PUT IT ON, already. It is just propped their stupidly, almost by accident. Hate. it.

-when i ignore a phone call, and caller calls my cell. then my house again. and when i finally connect with caller they give me SHIT for 'not ever answering when they call'. OH. MY. God. Is it honestly my JOB to be there whenever the fuck ANYONE wants to talk? Most people think so. It makes me wanna scream.

-watching people write on a blackboard. it makes my nipples hard. really. not in a good way either. hate it.

-when i let someone go at a intersection or such, and they don't wave 'thank you' to me. I know dane cook makes fun of people who do this, but i appreciate it. it's nice. when people don't do it, it makes me sad. i mean, i don't do it JUST FOR the wave, but it would be nice to 'share a moment'. oh well. *tear*

-greasy hair. on anyone. no, SOME people who are super cool, can rock it. most can't. take a shower.

-foam at the corners of people's mouths.

-germaphobic parents i have to encounter while being a mom. they make me feel like i have to be like them. i don't wanna be that way.

-waking up before my alarm clock.

-walking into the cd/book store and all of a sudden forgetting EVERY SINGLE cd/book that i have been thinking i NEED to have for a really long time. gone. from my mind. i walk out absolutely HATING myself. happens every time. mostly.

-when people pinch my sides. it's where i carry some extra stuff. in the belly and on the sides of said belly. please, STOP reminding me it's there. it's not cute. leave it be.

that's good for now.

bad at choices

standing on the edge of so much
she cannot make a decision
to create or procreate
the idea of the latter involves
process and progress
and well um, lots of work

the choice is no longer hers
as she totally flaked on
the backupmethod thingie
so...what shall be will be
and such and thee

she likes it when choices
that are hard
are out of her hands
and then once they are
decided,
with it,
much is defined
sort of outlined.

easier to see...
the "out of her control"
somehow reigned in
by the flourescent yellow
of the highlighter

(it's funny
back in the day
MOST of the page
lit up like the sun)

she is terrible
at choices;
even this one.

for now,
she is done.

life is fun

She's Bringing Random Back.

I need to bring the random back.
Nevermind Justin and his bringing of the Sexy.
I personally pride myself on random. On silly thoughts. On interesting points. On keen observation. Yet all of this and more has waned recently. It is my new mission to bring it all back.

So I will start with this:

Mondays are brutal. They remind me of the toast crumbs that get stuck in the butter. There is nothing I can do about them but avoid them. Avoid avoid avoid until that is all that is before me. NO choice in the matter. Crumby butter and a Monday. I swallow them down. Gotta keep a movin.

Also, Tony told me this last night as I was falling asleep. I am still not sure what to make of it. "Everyone else in the world gets socks and underwear from everyone." Um, WHAT? Honestly, how is something like that simply SAID? It is filled with out and out LIES, exaggerations, and fabrications. So I said, "Huh?" And he continued to say "they" get them on Christmas and their birthday every year. From everyone. I am still stunned by this. I think he is trying to intimate that he needs new socks and underwear.

So I tell him I am sorry I was not aware he NEEDED any, as I most definitely would have purchased him some. He (of all people) is now ANNOYED. Apparently I am missing his point (and he insists he does have one.) Something about how he shouldn't even HAVE to express that he NEEDS them, rather he should just receive a constant flow of new ones every December and March as scheduled. He believes this is something the rest of the world receives twice a year. I do not know how to help him see he is not so underprivileged. However I cannot help but feel overwhelmingly guilty and horrible for neglecting him so. I decide to let it be and let him fall back asleep. Note to self. March is coming. Socks and underwear must be purchased.

My bladder is very full.

My son is dressed in overalls today. Later on he puts on his Batman costume and admires himself in the mirror for a while. Then he colors a few pictures. Then he tells me he wants to take the overalls underneath his Batman costume OFF since he looks like a 'fat' Batman with those things underneath. Why does he have a negative self image? He is a five year old boy.

My daughter's face is always dirty. I clean it, I swear. Sometimes.

She calls her boobes, nudies. Insists that is their true name.

That's all for now.

my list. a good one.

1. i will drink at least two glasses of water a day
2. i will do one fun project/game/activity with the kids a day
3. i will exercise at least once a week
4. i will drink once on weekend and once during week only
5. i will write in my blog at least once a week
6. i will read more
7. i will yell less
8. i will LOVE more
9. i will stop spending money
10. i will eat less junk