Another Mother's Hoverboard

Friday, January 11, 2013

Special. Is for you.

It almost makes me wonder if you knew...
I am just so tempted to think you did...
Your perfect sense of joy on Christmas,
your delicious "last meal"
the way you shook hands and said your
goodbyes to all of those folks at the
restaurant of your last meal...

Did you?

Did you know?

Did you know God?

And if so, can I?

The line never stopped tonight
and
there were people standing and
laughing
and
crying
and
remarking in amazement
at all that you were
for to so many...
for hours....

endless

How did this happen?

How have you and Grampie
been able to live such long
healthy
fulfilling
and connected lives together
to garner
such a remarkable
tribute?

I don't know how,
you simply did.

And yet my internal
peace about your passing
is marred by a deep sorrow
for I loved you so much

You were so pure
even in that casket,
simply beautiful.

And I have never stared
so long at a body that
no longer held life.
I have never so much
wanted to not just look,
but to reach out and touch
a person laying in their
coffin.
Hold your hand,
play with your bracelet,
complete with your
grandchildren's names
to give you a squeeze,
and to fiddle with
and admire your pin on
your collar: an angel.

I cried instead,
and said good bye
and told myself:
YOU are the angel
now, for what lies
before me is merely
flesh.

You were not in
those clothes,
nor donning that jewelery
nor carrying that
make-upped skin

No,
you were all around us...
tinkled pink
at the turnout
and modest about
all the fuss,
all at the same time

In some ways,
I feel a deep sense of
comfort in your passing

For now, I don't have to
trek somewhere to see you
and feel your warm presence

Now, I know I can have that
whenever I want,
every day.

You will always be with me.

Thank you Nanie
for
teaching me
what special
really means.

Always.