i read this novel,
my book club assignment
like it is my horoscope,
my fortune cookie.
i read it all the time,
i cannot put it down
and each time i do,
and return to my
own life, preoccupied
still.
i cannot help but
think of it.
family.
relationships.
i am so blurred
now
i have finished.
tears and
hyperventilation
sobs that i allow
to flow freely
for my children
and their undetermined
lives
and the love
and the reckless nature
of life
and the lack of control
over any of it.
it is all there
making it so amazing
each and every day
children.
and yet the tragedy
of loss that hides
lurking in each moment
each day
always
causing me
to lose my patience
a little too often
reprimand a little too
loudly
a panic
that i can't quite
escape
a tightrope walked
between providing
safety and expecting
to stop the danger,
forever.
it is so much bigger than
me i feel like it could
squash me
a bug
this book is a hard
reminder
life is not forever
and parental love is not
bills
money
houses
activities
schooling
friends
achievements
vacations
cavities
or manners
it is the moments
in between all of
these things
details that
distract us
from the moments
where we are truly
alive.
the tight cuddle
right after a nap
the look of wonder
amidst discovery
a new talent
developed
the questions
they ask,
will you always
be my mom?
and the answers
that we struggle
and leap to give
our own life force
made stronger
in creating theirs
knowing this
is what makes
us all
infinite