pride.

She rides each tear out clutching
it's weight before it drips away
following the one before
a runaway train of wild emotion

Years of thoughts and wonderings
led to this new day and suddenly
debate and yearning have been swallowed
by the reality that has arrived: Asa.

All questions have been left behind
and we travel forward with hearts
so brimming with love they
risk overflowing, cracking and falling apart

but...they will just grow bigger.

Humbled by the immensity of
change and newness we are
awed by the greatness of the
journey and we walk proudly forth

We will not let down this perfect gift
for he was so deeply wanted
and needed
and will shine on, a bright star.

Indeed.

A decade and a belly.

In 5 days we recognize a 10 year
anniversary
of 9/11
And as I ruminate on this
piece of historical tragedy,
I rub my baby boy belly
just as did...all those years ago.

Life has a way of cycling
and as it rolls through
and things change
we can either get caught up
in our own path
fixating on how to best
control it

or we can look around
as we move and
be grateful
be thoughtful
be kind

we can uncover the
hate in our hearts
and nurture love
so that as new life
arrives,
earthside
he shall be greeted
with all the possibility
in the world
not devastation
rage
despair.

These are the lessons
we share.

journeys

sitting with my hand on my belly
i watch the tigerlily bend and bob
at the weight of a small bird
drinking from its
innards

and you my dear child
awaken

your flips and pumps
inside of me
strike me as peculiar
and at times uncomfortable

however i will remind
myself
the gift that this experience
truly is
and you have allowed me
the precious chance to remember,
just one last time...

my belly swells with your
growth and potential
and i cry when i consider
the sense of completion
you will bring all of us

a shift in reality
was certainly in order
and our world
will spin in a whole new
unpredictable and
wonderful way

welcome baby
welcome

we are so excited
for your arrival,
travel safely.

love you,
mama.

see you in the fall...

In less than 30 weeks
a gray shadowy illusion
will become
the brightest strongest being

and with you,
brings new hope
new contentment
new fear

alas, you will be here

once and for all
you,
my dear little one
are no longer:

an idea
a whim
a hope
a choice

you are a reality
and
reality has never
been so sweet.

Roundness

Roundness like reason taints the beauty
but helps maintain the whole
and the softness of this keeps her
far too protected

Risk scares her and yet
tempts the soul inside to
come out and dance
a chance for fullness

In a life where there is only
one shot, day by day
to do
to see
to be
that which
is you
that which is she and he
that which is me.

Yes, roundness includes excess
But excess includes a life well intentioned...

even if you fall, get up.

pushing through yawns like crowds around
the pope
there is a process and she will entrust that
the universe is holding her tight
she will not break
she will merely stretch
it might at times hurt,
as the pulling might
be fast
intense
cruel
but this is her choice and her voice
is spoken well to many
with much approval
she is here as one person
made up of MANY.
there is much love.
in her ride....
the journey is full of thrills.
this is the first.

for my little man-joy

my heart breaks into a myriad of pieces
as you sleep
your tiny heart pumping hard and fierce
through it's surrounding ribcage
like the sun finding its way through a
complex mountain range
looking to set with grace and without apology.

i am your mother and the utter honor of this
strikes straight through the core of me
taking away my own breath as i watch
you take your own...

in moments like these i smile at your freckles
there at my fingertips to count or kiss, endlessly
which would earn me a few
hours of time at the very least...

simply to stare at you is overwhelming
you are my baby yet
more than half my size
and growing with a purposefulness
and a pride and and unwillingness to hide
who you *are*

never will i truly understand the power
of my love for You
i will settle instead,
to bask in these moments
where i can drink in your beauty
and swallow this warmth and name it
LOVE.

you are a gift:
to your Mother.
to your Mother Earth.